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ON FAMILIES or 
t h e r e ' s  s o  m a n y  w a y s   t o  d o  t h i s

Libretto on families, 2024

I. Family Structures

 

I guess you could say we're high school 

       Sweet  hearts

 

Being from a small Southern town, 

       both of us 

              are from small Southern towns, 

we’re just raised 

       that when you marry a man 

              one day, 

                     when you marry a man

       when you get your husband, 

              then 

                     you start your family.

 

we had been told our whole life that 

       that 

              that was right

              that was right

 

I want to be a parent

       we want kids

              we want 

                     our kids

 

BEFORE ME

       Before

              us

On this day

Tuesday

       To            day

       To            date

                  There have always been others

 

I do not like to kill mosquitos 

       but what if

They are discouraged by the law

 

We live on a farm

       It's just what we do

I love what I do

 

Our kids are growing up thinking 

       it's all so normal

              these are my parents

 

Our kids call me Roo

       They call them Moo

And I said 

         Oh Boy

         OH BOY

 

We didn’t have rules

       who is supposed to do what 

               who's supposed to feel what

who’s supposed to be what

 

Okay, sperm? 

       What do we do? 

              From who? 

 

It feels like us 

       being us

And existing

Is putting a stake in the ground

              a practice            

                     every day

On being the people we want to be

In a way 

       I couldn’t have imagined 

 

The open window 

full of force

Running upstairs the children

       Sing

              Mama

                     Mutti

              Eema

              Abba

                     Baba

                     Butch

              Daddy

       Dot

II. Family Building

  

By the time we arrived

       they were agreeable

              so agreeable

That is to say, the courtroom was open

       open to them 

              or their kin 

       or their kind

 

As a child, I was a butch child. 

       I had short hair. 

              I wore my dad's clothes. 

 

the speed 

instantly

       everything was pink

 

Today I thought 

       about how maybe I would enjoy carrying a child, carrying my child

                  that it would be great if my future partner and I could have that option

 

I didn’t think I wanted children for the longest time 

       but what I didn’t want 

              was to be a mom. 

Being a dad seems a lot more appealing 

       and do-able

       to be a dad and to walk 

              down the street (claps)


I experienced an accidental pregnancy last year 

and I didn’t feel dysphoric 

       If anything it was the only time when having the body that I do has ever made sense to me. 

       That’s what made me decide I wanted to be a seahorse dad 

              rather than just a dad. 

 

       BEFORE ME

       Before

              us

On this day

Tuesday

To day

To date

       There have been others

 

       "We were born in one body and people thought we were this thing that matched our body, 

       but actually, 

              we feel on the inside 

in our hearts that we are someone else." 

 

being queer made us start this journey later. 

       my wife didn't even know what trans was 

       until she was in her twenties, let alone if that was her

                  Or if she could be a parent

                                    Or a mother

 

This person’s mommy

                  And this person’s honey

She just started calling her honey 

       she still calls her honey,

                  So we call her Honey. Honey. Honey. 

 

I think it was really disturbing to me

that I passed 

       as a straight person with a baby. 

 

There's this way that it protected me, 

       but it also disturbed me 

I was a young, 

       queer person 

              with a baby, 

 

       and, everybody just treated me 

              like a straight person

 

My partner might have carried him

       But I willed this child 

into existence 

       If only they knew 

 

we wrote a birth announcement from the hospital  

       that was a very long email about our labor and our amazing kid. 

       we intentionally used no pronouns in that announcement. 

When we got home

       We were welcomed by a huge banner hung on our gate 

              With balloons

              That just said, "It's a girl." 

                     And we were like, "Is it?"

 

The open window is full of force

Running upstairs the children

Sing

       Poppy

              Papi

                     Anya

       Mellie

              MaPa

       Lala

       Mimo

              Mombo

 

III. Breaking and Buying 

 

I finally got pregnant 

       maybe eight months in 

              This is all kind of new

We're married, she's going to adopt the kiddo

"Okay, we're family now, holy shit”

 

When we walked into the courtroom 

       together

They let us call our names

       Our friends wished us luck

We walked in together

 

Your Honor,

This person is not listed

In the central registry 

       The flat rate of six thousand dollars

              Is paid to us for fulfillment 

 

Hush, hush

i hush, you hush, they hush 

       She asked them to hush

Side by side, we sat

 

She started: 

There's a family 

       They're a family

with the child

       A cute child

They sat side by side

 

<whisper> Why do you not speak louder

It was necessary

Necessary to speak very softly

       Very softly, we cried, the baby cried

 

The judge said - Please raise your hand

       Yes

              Yes Yes 

       Yes yessss yes yes

       yes

 

She said:

       from my lovely body

              From this lovely body

The baby came

 

They said:

to eat an entire field of strawberries

       She picked him up

And blessed their child by name

 

Side by side, they came

Into the courtroom

              to say goodbye

And claim 

       the rights

              the privileges

the powers

the duties 

       Of becoming a parent 

 

The open window is full of force

Running upstairs the children

Sing

       Cita

              Cowboy

                     Mumma

                            Tata

       Jelly

       Oomi

       Moppa

              Opie

       Wawa
 

IV. For Future Queers

 

For queer parents -

       there is a separation of 

       biology from 

       parenthood

 

The most rewarding part, 

       is how we want to raise her

It's really 

       it's r e a l l y healing 

       to be able to experience 

       family in a different way

 

I can remember looking forward to this moment

       Being a family

              Being a rent

                     Being with my children

Is just as affirming 

       as I’ve imagined 

and also hard to believe 

       most days

 

But there it is

Its all there

Inside my body

Inside her body

       The ducts

              The milk

                     The hair

                            The deepening voice

The three of us 

together

 

So many queers 

       Want to legally get married, 

              have a kid, 

                     gender the kid, 

                            just do everything as heteronormative as possible. But I want more 

                     more options, 

                     t h e r e ' s s o m a n y w a y s  t o d o t h i s . 

 

I guess it's similar to a hetero relationship, 

       they have two parents, 

              but it's also 

                     different, you know? 

                     There's no “mom and dad”

                            In our world

                     There's no “mom and dad”

                            In this world

 

I think that's the best thing to come out of this 

       finding people who are similar to me, 

              maybe look like me, 

                     who are stretching their bodies 

                            to create this beautiful life

 

You know. 

       queerness is just so so 

              much 

                     about doing things in a really different way, 

                            being curious about other ways 

                     being open to 

                            other ways of being sexual, 

                            other ways of being in your body

                            other ways of knowing, 

                     and I just feel like there's no room for that in the birth world,

 

You don't have to do it that way

       Or their way

       Or any way

You can do it this way. 

You could also do it that other way. Or your own way.

       You could have four parents, 

              you could have one parent or none

                     you can have parents and aunts and guncles

                     diblings, siblings, bio kids or not

 

We’re preparing to celebrate this holiday 

       With my lover

              My partner

                     My husband, and kin

My husband will make Norwegian buns,

       his girlfriend wants to try a sprouts in crushed crumbs

My husband’s girlfriend’s boyfriend

       is committed to roasting a vegan duck 

              and making eggnog for the kids 

 

Her husband isn’t going to cook. 

We’ll make him wash the dishes.

       My girlfriend is bringing fried fishes, 

              A cake with whipped cream and berries 

                     Fine china and porcelain dishes

 

We will all take turns chasing the kids on the farm
 

I feel like being queer has like so much to offer that world 

It’s like opening up how 

       we get to experience being in our bodies, 

and opening up how we get to, 

       make choices about who were family with and 

               there's just so many really beautiful radical lessons

       from being queer if only others were more open to it, 

              we would be better for it

 

The open window is full of force

Running upstairs the children

Sing

       Baba Pear

              Mama Plum 

       Zadi

                            Honey

       Ren

              Zaza

       Pompom

              Kina

       Beau

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